Saturday, July 29, 2006

23: Shiny Slickpea

He was mopping the deck on the orbital base when we found him. That right there confirmed my notions of this ensign. Robots were quite capable of scrubbing decks, but a man with a mop and a bucket could move around with a certain amount of freedom, finding opportunities for fun and profit.

Marie took the initiative. "What are you doing, Ensign?" she had asked him with a dramatic snarl.

"I’m just moppin' the deck, ma'am," Ensign Slickpea answered.

"Do I look like a 'ma'am'?" Marie growled. "I'm a goddamn sergeant, rat-man!"

"Y-yes, Sergeant!" exclaimed Slickpea, almost dropping his mop as he suddenly stood at attention. "Sorry, Sergeant!"

Marie stood in his face, glowering with great effect. I launched into a line of questions. "Ensign Shiny Slickpea, how come you haven't qualified for any specialty? How come you've been in the Fleets for six years and never tried to get into a department? Why is it that any transfer you receive is cancelled? How is it that an ensign makes 17 thousand credits a year, and you’ve got bank accounts totaling 350 thousand credits?"

Slickpea's face turned red, and a sudden viciousness appeared on his face. "I'm sure it's all totally innocent, sir-" he began, but Marie snarled, "That's 'Fleet Commander', rat-man!" I love my Sergeant. (Not like that- okay, maybe a little like that.)

I thought for a moment- a brief, insane moment- that Slickpea was going to take a swipe at Marie. I sort of wanted him to try; Sergeant Marie Du-tse was a colonist, hard as stone, tough as steel, and strong in will and body. Ensign Shiny Slickpea, on the other had, was a half-head shorter than my Sergeant and looked to weigh a third less than she. He was skinny, soft, and out of shape.

I told the ensign that Fleet Intel had uncovered all sorts of dirt on him, but he might stay out of the brig if he helped me out. "You see," I told him, "I need another ship. And a devious little rat-man could find me a ship in a fleet that was short on resources and long on enemies." I could almost see the wheels spinning around in his head.

"So, you'll leave me alone if I can get you your ship?" he asked, adding for the Sergeant's interest, "Fleet Commander?"

Oh, yes, Ensign. I'll go away like a bad dream, never to confront you again. And you best be at the Grinder by the end of your deadline, or you're going to have a long vacation (five to 10 years) in a little room with no windows and a toilet that is used for a sink.

Next Chapter >> 24: The Rat-man's Hanger

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